Cato's Grammar Grumble

[Cato]

I have suffered far too long the slings and narrow-mindedness of outrageous morons mangling the English language!   

Now Cato says: "Hold, enough!"  And undammed shall be the comments: let them flood in!

Cato is no doctrinaire scold: he will at times be inconsistent and contradictory in his grammar grumbles, since it is in the nature of languages to be so.  Yet ex cathedra will be his pronouncements!   0:)

My complaints shall arrive in no particular order, so let me just start, and you can see if you agree!

People trying to sound smart by using "I" all the time, even when it means it makes them wrong: the ubiquitous "just between you and I" is moronic.  "Between" is a preposition and therefore needs an object form, not a subject form.  Would you say "That package is for I" or "He stood in front of I" ? 

Then stop using "I" with the word "between" or any other preposition!!!             The script for the movie "Becoming Jane" contained the monstrosity "...by your father and I" at whose author the real Jane would have flung her inkpot, and maybe even that other pot in her chamber!   

East Coasters and people on PBS using "Absolutely" instead of "Yes" drive me to the brink of pantocide!    
But I'll keep my shirt on!    

People pronouncing the indefinite article "a" as if they were Canadians saying "eh?" make me want to throw bricks at nuns!   0:)  "That is eh very good book."  "This is eh book you must read."  Completely impossible pronunciation!    

It is the counterpart to "the = thee" being used in front of everything: "thee" for "the" is permissible only before vowels. 

Why are such things happening?  One can blame schools with hemidemisemiliterate teachers leading the ignorant into a perpetual wilderness of pseudo-educated ignorance.  One can blame a relativist society, where everyone is correct, especially in language, since aren't all grammar rules just "opinions" anyway?  Don't grammar rules stand in the way of personal expression and personal creativity?  Aren't grammar rules even perhaps ways to oppress people in the lower classes?   

The result of course is the growth of incoherence in private and public discourse, recent examples being past and present occupants of the White House in the last 20 years, Caroline Schlossberg and her infamous 99 "you knows" within 2 minutes of speaking, practically every "movie star" or "personality" jabbering on TV, etc.

Worse is the lack of music in their words: the most recent and risible public example was heard on January 20th in Washington D.C., a "poem" which was merely a concatenation of the most trite and unmusical syllables ever heard in decades. 

The lady's poetic license needs to be revoked!   

Another thing that drives Cato nutzoid are people referring to themselves in the 3rd person!   

So I will not really be doing that!   0:)

Feel free to list your own pet punctuation or pronunciation peeves: I will probably agree with you!

[greg]

Now Cato says: "Hold, enough!"  And undammed shall be the comments: let them flood in!

You're not supposed to start a sentence with the word "and".

[Cato]

You're not supposed to start a sentence with the word "and".

I do not follow that rule!   

And neither should you!   0:)

[Brian]

I do not follow that rule!   

And neither should you!   0:)

I agree with you!
But I am not to be trusted. 
Does this make you rethink your position? 

[greg]

I do not follow that rule!   

And neither should you!   0:)

Alright, then!
And I won't follow it, either. 

[Cato]

I agree with you!
But I am not to be trusted. 
Does this make you rethink your position? 

No!  It makes me proud!   0:)

[Cato]

Alright, then!
And I won't follow it, either. 

"Alright" and its genetically suspect cousins "Awright" and "Alot" are not words!   

Please use "all right" and "a lot" instead: and for the latter "much" is preferable.   0:)

[greg]

How about I write however I want? You're not my teacher, so you can't give me any red marks! 

[Coopmv]

Perhaps making English the ONLY official language in the US will go a long way in addressing this problem ...

[XB-70 Valkyrie]

Like, I think like the worst like problem currently facing, like the English language, is like the ungrammatical, nonsensical use of like the word "like". Try listening to any female under the age of 40, and you'll like see like what I'm like talking about. Like, I guess Frank Zappa's "Valley Girl" phenomenon is like to blame. Like. Like. And furthermore, like, like--like like like; like like. 

[Brian]

"Alright" and its genetically suspect cousins "Awright" and "Alot" are not words!   

Please use "all right" and "a lot" instead: and for the latter "much" is preferable.   0:)

Hopefully you will notice what's wrong with this sentence!

[Sarastro]

Like, I think like the worst like problem currently facing, like the English language, is like the ungrammatical, nonsensical use of like the word "like". Try listening to any female under the age of 40, and you'll like see like what I'm like talking about. Like, I guess Frank Zappa's "Valley Girl" phenomenon is like to blame. Like. Like. And furthermore, like, like--like like like; like like. 

You know, I, like, think like it's like being without a handbag, you know. Like it's like being bare you know, like.

[mahler10th]

Is this "English - United States" or proper English?

[XB-70 Valkyrie]

Is this "English - United States" or proper English?

Wow, you must be Canadian (too wrapped up in kissing swishy, inbred, royal a55 to realize why your own country has zero identity of its own.). Eh?

[karlhenning]

Perhaps making English the ONLY official language in the US will go a long way in addressing this problem ...

Don't think so;  these instances of sloppy grammar/usage have been rampant among US anglophones.  If anything, I find that non-native speakers who have immigrated, are rather more careful with their grammar.

[Dr. Dread]

This ain't no foolin' around...

[Cato]

Hopefully you will notice what's wrong with this sentence!

I notice many things hopefully!   0:)

I hope you will not do that again!

Concerning "like" and its cousin "go" when the speaker means "say": you should hear the "conversations" in my school among 7th and 8th graders!  

Scary, dudes!  Here is a recent comment from one of my middling girls: "I was like, 'well, yeah, okay, but then he goes, like, I dunno, like, and so I go, like..."

AAAAHHHH!!!!  

And yes, foreigners are at times better than native speakers!  In fact, some years ago we had a German exchange student visiting us for a semester, when I taught at an all-boy Catholic high school.  Guess who was the best writer in the class and received a top A.P. English score: the German exchange student!  

[Dr. Dread]

I notice many things hopefully!   0:)

I hope you will not do that again!

Concerning "like" and its cousin "go" when the speaker means "say": you should hear the "conversations" in my school among 7th and 8th graders!  

Scary, dudes!  Here is a recent comment from one of my middling girls: "I was like, 'well, yeah, okay, but then he goes, like, I dunno, like, and so I go, like..."

AAAAHHHH!!!!  

And yes, foreigners are at times better than native speakers!  In fact, some years ago we had a German exchange student visiting us for a semester, when I taught at an all-boy Catholic high school.  Guess who was the best writer in the class and received a top A.P. English score: the German exchange student!  

Will you proofread my writing for me? 

[Florestan]

If that could be consoling for Cato, let him be informed that the Romanian language is subject to similar maltreatments, the worst perpetrators being the mass-media.

[Cato]

Will you proofread my writing for me? 

Maybe losing that martini will brighten up your writing!   

Of course, then how would you brighten up your day in general?   0:)

Florestan: to think that Romanian, a descendant of Latin, should be abused by mass media!  O tempora, o mores!