The Joke Thread

[prémont]

Four Frenchmen drive on a country road in an old car. The driver has forgotten to switch on the heating system.

A passenger says: C'est un peu froid.

The driver replies: Non, c'est un Peugeot

[Papy Oli]

Four Frenchmen drive on a country road in an old car. The driver has forgotten to switch on the heating system.

A passenger says: C'est un peu froid.

The driver replies: Non, c'est un Peugeot

  

[NumberSix]

Four Frenchmen drive on a country road in an old car. The driver has forgotten to switch on the heating system.

A passenger says: C'est un peu froid.

The driver replies: Non, c'est un Peugeot

 

C'est un peu terrible. Et je l'aime.

[DaveF]

Four Frenchmen drive on a country road in an old car. The driver has forgotten to switch on the heating system.

A passenger says: C'est un peu froid.

The driver replies: Non, c'est un Peugeot

I expect they had only had one egg for breakfast.

And why do Frenchmen only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

[prémont]

Because one egg is un oeuf.

What, is two much?

[Florestan]

Two dead drunk guys leave a pub, get into a car and one of them starts driving. After a few hundred meters, the passenger says: Hey, man, be careful, you almost drove us into a lamppost!. To which the driver replies: Blimey, aren't you driving?

[Karl Henning]

Seen on Threads:

A note on the microwave from my wife said "this isn't working, bye." 

I'm confused, I put my lunch in it & it's working just fine.

[Karl Henning]

Seen on Threads:

[at library]

Librarian: "Can I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I'm looking for a book about..."
Librarian: "Clairvoyance?"
Me: "No..."
Librarian: "That'll work one day."

[Florestan]

Policeman stops a drunk driver.

Policeman: "Where are you coming from, sir?"
Driver: "New Year's Eve party, officer!"
Policeman: "You kidding me? Today it's 14th of March!"
Driver: "Precisely! High time to go home!"

[Irons]

Not a joke (happened last week), but made me laugh.

My four year grandson asked his dad what a Zombie was?

His dad replied "A Zombie is someone raised from the dead".

The lad thought for a moment and then said "So Jesus was a Zombie then?"

That boy will go far.  

[Kalevala]

Not a joke (happened last week), but made me laugh.

My four year grandson asked his dad what a Zombie was?

His dad replied "A Zombie is someone raised from the dead".

The lad thought for a moment and then said "So Jesus was a Zombie then?"

That boy will go far.  

Very cute!

K

[NumberSix]

Chuck Norris has a bear rug.

The bear isn't dead; it's just afraid to move.

[DaveF]

Seen on Threads:

[at library]

Librarian:

Which reminds me:

Man goes into a library and says to the librarian: "TWO COD AND CHIPS, PLEASE, DARLING!"
Librarian looks surprised and says: "This is a library!"
Man [whispers]: "Sorry, two cod and chips, please, darling."

[Iota]

On the library theme:

A man came up to me and said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.

[Irons]

A school inspector is sitting in on a class.

Teacher asks young pupil, Colin "Who knocked down the walls of Jericho?"

Colin replied "Wasn't me Miss".

"OK Colin, sit down".

After class the inspector said to teacher "You asked who knocked down the walls of Jericho and the lad said not me and you told him to sit down?!"

Teacher replied "If he said he didn't do it, then he didn't".

Later the inspector saw the Head Teacher "In class your teacher asked who knocked down the walls of Jericho and the pupil said not me! The teacher said sit down"

The Head replied "As it happens I know of a very good builder".

[NumberSix]

Heard this one in the movie Saturday Night today. Might have been used for the first weekend update sketch:

The Post Office announced a new stamp commemorating prostitution. The stamps will cost 10-cents. But if you want to lick them, it's 25-cents.

[prémont]

A drunkard halts a passerby on the street and exclaims:
"You two look exactly alike. Are you identical twins?"

[Florestan]

A drunkard knocks on a lamppost as on a door: "Come on, open the door, I'm freezing down here!"
Passerby: "Try later, man, there's nobody home!"
Drunkard: "Yes there is, don't you see the 2nd floor is lit?"

[Karl Henning]

Seen on Threads:

My twin sister called me from prison.

She said: "You know how we finish each other's sentences?"

[Karl Henning]

Perhaps his favorite prank was eating out alone and at the end of the meal, asking the puzzled server for separate checks.